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Tiniotliy Delano's Courtship 



A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 



BY / 

MARTHA RUSSELL QRNE 

Author of "The Country School," "A Black Dia- 
mond," Etc. 



/f)j^ Copyright, 1892, by Harold Roorbach. 




NEW YORK 1 / 

HAROLD ROORBACH ^9^3 ^ 

PUBLISHER 



.933 T5 



]'2.'^']^0(y 



r> 




TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



Timothy Delano, . , A rich, but miserly country gentleman of sixty. 
Aunt Tabitha, . . An eccentric and ambitious old ?nai J of forty-Jive. 

Alice, Her niece, a young lady about eighteen years of age. 

Rick, Alice^s brother — at home from college, on a vacation. 

HiLDEGARDE, Colored fuaid-of a ll-zvork. About sixteen. 



Time of Representation. — One Hour and a Quarter. 



COSTUMES. 

Timothy Delano. — Fine broadcloth suit, too large for him. 

Aunt Tabitha. — Red wig with bunched curls on each side of face ; 
spectacles ; plain black silk dress with apron. Should make up very 
homely but neat. 

Alice. — Stylish white dress, etc. 

Rick. — Stylish light summer suit, gloves, hat, cane, etc. 

HiLDEGARDE.— Negro wig tied with various colored rags; long- 
sleeved tire, patched with different colors; large shoes, out at the toes and 
down at the heels, etc., etc. 

PROPERTIES. 

Writing materials on table. Fan for Aunt Tabitha. Broom, brush, 
duster, etc., for Hildegarde. Watch for Rick. Snuff-box, large 
bandanna handkerchief and some peppermint drops for Timothy. 

(3) 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 
STAGE SETTING. 





Scene. — A parlor with centre-door in the flat, backed with a screen or 
hall backing. If the door is not practicable, hang a curtain over the 
opening, i. Piano, with mirror hanging over it, up r. 2. Sofa, down 
R. 3 and 4. chairs r. C. and l. c. 5. Screen extending down the stage 
from a point in the flat midway between the door and the L. side. 6 
Writing table. 7. Chair. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

In observing, the actor faces the audience. R., means right; L., 
left ; C, centre ; R. c, right of centre ; L. c, left of centre ; up stage, 
toward the back ; down stage, toward the audience. 



R. C. 



C. 



L. C. 



L. 




TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 



ACT I. 

ScenQ,—Par/or, set as per diagram of stage setting. As- the curtain 
rises, Rick is discovered at the table, writing. 

Enter Aunt Tabitha, folloived by Alice. 

Aunt Tab. Alice, I shall feel very much disapprobated, if you do 
not receive Mr. Delano as you should, {sits R. C. and fans herself) \< 
ain't every gall as has an oppertoonity to make herself mistress of 
Fern Ledge with five thousand a year thrown in free ^ra//^ fer 
nothing. I hev taken care of you and your brother ever since you 
was four years old, and you certainly owe it ter me to respect my 
wishes in this perticler. It has alius been my crowning desire ter 
see you merried out of the trials and troubles of this world, and 
now this oppertoonity has come, /don't intend ter let it sHp outer 
my fingers! I insist on your meeting Mr. Delano, and giving him 
a siesta. 

_ Alice. (L. c.) You mean a tete-a-tete, aunt, I presume ; a siesta 
IS an after-dinner nap. 

Aunt Tab. Wall, 1 mean that you're to receive him and give him 
a favorable answer to his suit— that's what I mean— and he'll be 
here this afternoon ! 

Rick, {turns; aside) Whew, the deuce ! [Listens. 

Alice, {in surprise) This afternoon, aunt Tabitha ! 

Aunt Tab. That's what I said. I've jest received a billy dux 
from him, in which he requests a half hour's intermission with me 
and 

Alice. Oh, with you? He says nothing about w^- then ! {sar- 
castically) Why do you think, aunt, that this honor is desitjned for 
me.? 

Aunt Tab. You disremember, child, that Mr. Delano's sister is 
my dearest friend— yes my buzzom friend for years. Yesterday 

(5) 



6 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

afternoon she druv down here emphatically to prepare me for this 
note, and to explain how matters stood. 

Alice, [scornfully) Her worthy brother having sent her, I sup- 
pose ! 

Aunt Tab. You are mistaken, my dear niece. On the contrary, 
her revered and respected brother had no inclination of the mat- 
ter. Nor did he even know of her visit to us. Of course they 
have probably talked so important a subject over in the family— I 
don't know how else she could have found out about it— but she 
was so delighted with the retrospect of having you for a sister-in- 
law that 

Alice. Sister-in-law ! Aunt, what are you thinking of? What 
do you think my dear mother and father would say to such mock- 
ery as this, if they were living ! Mr. Delano is old enough to be 
my grand-father! What do you mean by asking me to marry 

such a man a decrepit, superannuated, snuff-taking old miser, too 

mean to go to church for fear he will be asked to contribute some- 
thing ! 1 despise him ! 

Rick, [aside) Good ! Give it to the old dotard ! 
Aunt Tab. I am shocked to hear you call a gentleman by such 
epitaphs. (Rick laughs in paniovmne) But you don't stop to think 
of the money ; think of it— five thousand dollars a year at the 
least! {paiheiically) I have toiled by the sweat of my brow, and 
slaved for you and Rick a good many years, and have made a 
great many sacrileges that you know not of ; and think of the lux- 
uries with which you can environ my reclining years when you 
become Mr. Delano's wife. 

Rick, [aside, iviik a groan) Delightful anticipation ! She'll 
want me to marry that old hag, his sister, next, in order to get the 
other five thousand a year, I suppose. 

Alice. Aunt, as long as Rick and I live you shall never suffer 
want. You know that each of us has a small property, and when 
Rick gets through college we can have many luxuries that we are 
now deprived of. I am sure, aunt, if there is anything you are in 
need of. Rick and I will deny ourselves a great deal in order to 
get it for you. He is at home from college now and we will see to 
it this very day. 

Aunt Tab. [zvith dignity) I wasn't complaining, child, but it is 
high time you were thinking of matrimony ; and a second offer like 
this you can't expect. 

Rick, [aside) And don't want ! 

Alice, [impatiently) But, aunt, I don't care for this man. I don't 
love him and I don't intend to ! 

Rick, [ande) Stick to it ! By Jove— I didn't know my little sis- 
ter was such a brick 1 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. / 

Aunt Tab. Love — fiddlesticks ! What has love to do with it ? I 
never loved anybody in my life 

Rick, {aside) Lucky for them you didn't ! 

Aunt Tab. {co7ttimting) — and it's all continental nonsense — I 
mean it's all sentimental nonsense. 

Rick, [aside] Nobody ever cared a continental, I reckon ! I'd 
as soon think of embracing a refrigerator. 

Alice. There is no use in talking to me in this way, aunt. In all 
my hfe, I have never opposed you, but have tried to be duti- 
ful 

Rick, [aside] That's just the trouble. The old dragon wouldn't 
try it on me ! 

Alice. But a woman should never marry a man she does not 
love. 

Aunt Tab. [with dignify) I shall converse with you no longer on 

this subject which is nearest ter my heart, but my mind is made 

up— fully made up ter this allegiance, and marry him you shall ! 

[Sweeps out of the room with head in the ait. 

Alice, [thoughtfully] And she means every word she says, [rises 
and walks floor] 

Rick [aside] Whether it's the right one or not ! 

Alice. Aunt Tabitha is unflinching when she makes up her mind, 
and she will pursue her course to the bitter end. It makes me 
shudder to think of it. What can I do? [ivrings hands and wipes 
eyes with her handkerchief) What shall I do ? If I should refuse 
this old man whom I never met more than half a dozen times in 
my life, aunt Tabitha would make poor Rick's life and mine a 
burden to us — or worse, she would pack up her goods and 
leave 

Rick, [approaching from behind the screen) Wliich would be the 
very best thing she could do for us, little sister. 

Alice. O, Rick, how you startled me ! Have you been there all 
the time ? 

Rick, (c.) Well, if " all the time " is since you and our dear, 
sweet aunt have been conversing together, I have. 

Alice, [up R. C.) Then Rick whnt can I do ? What shall I do ? 

Rick, [pacing floor, with hands in pockets) Do? Do nothing ! 
Of course you are not going to marry an old fossil like Delano. 
I'd like to know what the old blockheaded simpleton, the old 
ninny-hammer, with his mincing gait and prating cackle, is think- 
ing of to ask anybody to marry him ! 

Alice. But aunt Tabitha, Rick? It isn't safe to oppose her, you 
know. If she should leave us, and it would be just like her, 
every gossip in the town would have an original version of the 
cause, and it would be so unpleasant — so embarrassing for us, you 
know. 



8 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP, 

Rick. Well, we could give out that she'd gone to Long Branch, 
or the Mountains, for her health, or to rest — to give us a rest I mean 
— or to visit some rich relations, or 

Alice. Yes, but don't imagine that aunt would leave quietly — 
anything but that! She would make us out the worst of sin- 
ners 

Rick. I can stand that. Go on. 

Alice, {seated) Call us undutiful ingrates 

Rick. Ha, ha, ha ! Pretty good ; seems to me I've heard that 
expression before, with some variations. 

Alice. [resu7ning) Who had turned her out of house and 
home after she had. worked so hard to bring us up, and had served 
us so many years. Think what a pathetic story she could make 
of it. An old lady like her actually turned out of doors by an 
ungrateful nephew and niece. (Rick walks Jioor with hands be- 
hind him) 

Rick, [suddenly) Eureka ! — I have it, by Jove ! [rubbing hands 
together) Ah ! leave it to my manly intellect to devise a means of 
escape — to rescue you from the toils of this she-dragon and this 
allegiance as she calls it. Now let's see how we shall proceed. 
{thoughtfully) I think we had better take Hildegarde into our con- 
fidence — Yes, that's the best plan — she can help us if any one 
can, for she hates Delano like the toothache, and what she doesn't 
succeed in doing we must. Where is Hildegarde, I wonder? 

Alice. She was in the next room a few minutes ago ; I heard 
her singing — but what are you going to do. Rick? Since I am 
the one most interested, it might be well to take me into your con- 
fidence too. 

Rick. You leave it to me. {calls) Hildegarde ! Hildegarde ! 
Here she comes. Now, Alice, you must follow me implicitly. I've 
got you out of a good many scrapes before this, you know. 

Alice, {laughing) And into them, too. But I'll let by-gones be 
by-gones, Rick, if you'll only help me tins time. 

Enter HiLDEGARDE, carrying duster. 

Hilda. Did yo' want me, sah ? 

Rick. Yes, I do. I want to talk with you a moment, Hilde- 
garde. 

Hilde. {up c.) Lud-a-mussy ter gracious ! What's I done now? 
{looking anxiously from one to the other) I isn't done nuffin, hones' 
an' true I isn't ! 

Rick. Now see here, Hildegarde, just listen to me a minute. Do 
you want a new dress ? {she bobs her head and smiles) A bright 
new one, with the waist cut on the bias, and double-breasted side 
plaits, and shirred in Queen Anne style, with angel sleeves, and 
Elizabethan fluting on the panniers? 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 9 

Hilde. {holding up both hands in asio7iishnient) De Lud-a-mussy ! 
Is yer gwine inter de bizness yerse'f, Mars' Rick — dat soun's like 
an adver-//5^-ment, — or is yer gwine ter send ter Londin fer it? 
Dey ain't no sech fine t'ings as dem made roun' heah. I's fraid 
I'd git lost in dat ar dress. 

Rick. But you want it, don't you, Hildegarde ? 

Hilde. {slyly winking at Alice) Dat depen's on what I's got ter 
do fer it, 1 don' kyar ter drap no mo' lobes er bread down Wid- 
der Jones' chimbly an' get mah ban's an' face all bracked up ; 
an' I don' kyar ter be let down de well again in de watah-bucket 
an' get mos' drownded ; an' I don' 

Rick, {laughing) No, it's nothing of that sort this time, Hilde- 
garde. It's a good deed of charity that I want you to do this 
time, and you shall be amply rewarded if you do your part 
well. 

Hilde. Dat's what yo' alius say, Mars' Rick. "It's a deed ob 
charity," but dey don' gib me none ob de charity when I's done 
gone an' did de wuk. No, dey don't! Now dar's de Widder 
Jones ; she went roun* an' tole eberybody dat one night she was a 
prayin' fur somethin' ter eat, an' de Lawd hear her pray 'ran' sent 
a loaf ob bread a-tumblin' down de chimbly dat nearly scairt her 
senses outen her, — what little she's got — an' one day, 'cause I's 
afraid ter hab her tell so many lies 'bout it, I tole her dat I guess 
de Lawd didn't hab much to do wid dat loaf ob bread, fur I trowed 
it down dar mahse'f, an' she said dat anyhow de Lawd sent it ef 
de debil did brung it, an' dat's all de t'anks I got. 'Taint berry 
consolin' ter be tole dat yo' 'sembles dat individual. Den de day 
yo' sent me down de well 

Rick. That's all right, Hildegarde : but this work I want you to 
do is different 

Hilde. {in mock despair) Mo' wuk ! De Lud a mussy ! How's I 
gwine ter do mo' wuk 'n I do now, I'd like ter know ? 

Rick. There, there, Hildegarde, just listen to me, and you'll un- 
derstand. Now don't interrupt till I get through. You know old 
Delano, don't you, who lives at Fern Ledge? 

Hilde. Dat ole mooncalf wot goes roun' wid his elbows out so 
{imitates) an' dresses in de brack shiny cloth? 

Rick, {laughing) Yes, broadcloth. 

Hilde. An' wears does too big fer him, so's ter get his money's 
wuf outen de tailor? — Yes, I knows all 'bout him. He's de one 
wot axes all dem questions 'bout Miss Alice. (Rick rt;;c/ Alice 
start and exchange glances) 

Rick. Oh, he does, does he? I'd like to kick him ! And what 
does he say ? 

Hilde. He wanter know did Miss Alice hab any beaux ; an' 

Rick. And what did you say to that? 



lO TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP, 

Hilde. {rolling her eyes a7id holding up her hands) I said, de holy 
day ob Jubilee, dey's a hundred ob dem, an' dey's a hangin' loun' 
heah all de time ! 

Rick, {laughing and rubbing hands together) Good! 

Alice. Why, Hildegarde, how could you tell such a wrong story ! 
I never had a beau in my life. 

Hilde. 'Cos he's no bizness ter arsk sech a impedcnt question. 
But dat ain't all, fer den he arsk me did she like any ob 'em ; an' 
I tole him 1 reckon she did mighty well by de way she larfed an' 
torked to 'em. An' he arsked me did she like any one on 'em bet- 
ter' n she did de oders, an' I tole him. Oh, yes she likes dem all 

better' n she did de oders, heaps better, an' (Rick and Alice 

interrupt with laughter) 

Rick. You're a Vich one, Hildegarde! ha, ha, ha ! and what did 
he say to that ? 

Hilde. He didn't say nuffin : but he looked kin' ob discouraged 
like. Den I said, wot yer gwine to gib me fer all disinfermashun? 
Ah' he put his han* in his pocket an' handed out — -s. peppennint ! 
One peppermint fer all dat brain wuk ! 

Rick. Unbounded generosity ! Now Hildegarde, what if I 
should tell you that this old skinflint wants to marry Miss Alice 
and is determined to have her in spite of the fact that she detests 
him. 

Hilde. [raising both hands in surprise) De ho — ly Lud-a- 

mussy ! ! 

Rick. Of course we don't want her to be sacrificed in any such 
way, neither do we desire — if we can help it — to offend Aunt 
TalDitha who has set her heart on this match ; so we're going to 
place a great deal of confidence in you, Hildegarde, and rely on 
you to help us out of it. 

Hilde. Yes, sah — he, he, he ! {dances round the room) 

Rick. He will be here this afternoon and AuntTabitha will prob- 
ably show him into this room. As soon as she leaves, to find Alice, 
I want you to make some good excuse for putting him behind that 
screen there, {pointing) By the way, I guess you'd better be 
around when he comes, and show him in here yourself. Yes, 
stand out by the gate if necessary, and take him in, for she might 
find it her duty to come back with Alice and that would spoil every- 
thing. I've got a grand scheme and I want to carry it out. So 
you get him in here without Aunt Tabitha's knowing anything 
about it ; then you can talk with him for a little while and if you 
get a chance to make any disparaging remarks 

Hilde. {in wonder) What's dem ? 

Rick. Disparaging remarks? VJhy {thoughtfully) why — it means 
to — to — hang it ! why it means to decry — to — to — say mean things 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP, 1 1 

about to — to {^putting hands in pockets and walking floor) What 
the deuce does it mean, Alice ? 

Alice. It means to speak unkindly of, Hildegarde, to say unjust 
things about. 

Rick. Yes, yes that's it, exactly. I knew it all the time, only 
I couldn't get hold of it. Well you are to say all the unkind 
things you can think of concerning my sister. Criticise her dis- 
position ; tell what a terrible temper she has ; say that she 
paints, dyes her hair, wears false teeth, lies abed all day when 
she gets the chance ; tell how extravagant she is, say that no- 
body in the house here pretends to believe anything she says, 
— say anything ; you needn't confine yourself to facts. You 
have a vivid imagination, Hildegarde ; draw upon it to the full- 
est extent — she'll forgive you — do you understand? 

Hilda. Yes, sah, — won't I hab fun! Golly, I wish't he's heah 
now — I's ready fur him ! [swings ditsier round her head aftd dances 
about room) Hooray ! He, he, he ! I 'magines him now gwine 
outen de do* hke he's shot when dis chile gits froo wid him. Hoo- 
ray ! I's in it. 

Alice. But, Rick 

Rick, [eagerly) Yes, and there's something else you can do, too. 
If you can get a chance to say a word or two in favor of aunt 
Tabitha — a hundred or two if you can — do so. (Hildegarde 
?nakes up face) Put them in anywhere, everywhere. Tell him 
how patient, and self-sacrificing she is — ( Hildegarde ^n?^;/^) — 
how saving she is — emphasize that fact — what a good cook she 
is — how handsome she is to those who know her — praise her 
hair, her eyes, her nose, her complexion — put it on just as thick 
as you can, Hildegarde. " Everything's fair in love and war," 
and that will help our cause along wonderfully. 

Alice. But Rick, do you think it quite right to 

Rick. Confound it all, there isn't any right about it ! This is 
my affair now; I am your natural protector, now that father's 
gone, and I don't intend to stand by and let such an outrageous 
proceeding go on. 

Hilde. Yer ken depen' on me. Mars Rick. — Don' yo' worry, 
Miss Ahce. I's fix dat all right. Why de ole curmudgeon! Fo' 
I'd let him marry you I'd marry him mahse'f fus' ! Yes I would, 
de ole fool ! Some white folks don' seem ter know nuffin. Why 
an ole brack niggar'd know better'n ter arsk Miss Alice ter marry 
him ! 

Rick, [laughing) I knew you'd help us out, Hildegarde. Now 
Alice, you see a part of my plan — for the rest we shall have to 
depend on the inspiration of the moment, [looking at luatch) I've 
got to meet Charlie at ten, to arrange about putting off our base 
ball game till to-morrow, and I may not be back till after din- 



12 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

ner; but I won't fail you, so spruce up and don't fret. Per- 
haps you'd better keep aunt Tabitha in as good humor as pos- 
sible, [starts for door) 

Alice, [followifig him to door) Now Rick, you won't go off and 
leave me to aunt Tabitha's tender mercies, will you? Don't go 
away and forget all about it. 

Rick. No, I won't, I'll promise to be back just after dinner. 
Hildegarde, you be on the watch when I come, to let me know 
how things stand. Why, I wouldn't miss the fun for anything, 
—au revoir! [Exeunt Alice and Rick. 

Hilde. {solemnly, after watching them go out) Be jess like liim ter 
forget all 'bout it— jess like him. I 'members once as how he got 
lip a s'prise party on Miss Tabitha— when de people come a poring 
inter dedo', wasn't she s'prised ? [holds up hands) My, an' wasn't 
she mad ! Golly, Mars Rick'd had a s'prise party too, I reck'n, 
ef he'd been heah, but he wasn't— he forgot tor come home dat 
time ! Yes, he didn't come fer two er tree days— den he said he 
didn't know nuffin' 'bout it, least he didn't 'member nuffin' 'bout 
it— but dis yer chicken don' b'liebe dat ar. Well, but yer'd orter 
seen Miss Tabitha ! Dey wus a little red spot heah, an' a little 
red spot dar ( poi7iti7ig to each cheek) an' 'twant paint dat time 
neder, an' her nose— she car'd it higher'nde air'n ebber. [imitates) 
Well, heah I is wastin' de precious golden minutes's if I's de 
Queen ob Sheba. [dusts and sings) 

" Oh, come, come away, 
Frum labor now reposin' 
Let busy Caro, wife of Barrow, 
Come, come away ! " 

{thoughtfully) I wish't I wus wife o' Barrow. Now I wonder why 
nobody nebber t'inks ob invitin' me away frum labor. I ain't de 
kind dat's killed wid wuk, or I'd a been killed long ergo. Butde 
mos' aggerwatin' part ob it is, dat Miss Tabitha says she does it 
all. Now I'd like ter know anybody ken set in de parlor all de 
time a elevadn' her mind, as she calls it, an' do de wuk in de 
kitchen, an' chambers, an' take kar ob de garding— an' she 
a readin' poitry, an' novils, an' sermons, an' dickshuneries all 
de time ? Dat's what I'd hke ter know. I sh'd t'ink she m ought 
hab dat dickshunery read froo by dis time. Dickshuneries is de 
driest kin' ob readin' dat I eber tuk hold ob ! Mars Rick gib me 
a present ob one las' Crismus— I got troo de A's, an gib it up ! I 
tole Mars Rick dat I hope de nex' book he got 'ud be more in- 
trustin', an' Lud-a-mussy. how he larfed. Den he said p'raps de 
B's 'ud be more intrustin' [sighs) but I ain't tried 'em yet. (Aunt 
Tab. calls outside, Hildegarde! Hildegarde!) Does yer heah 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 13 

dem dulcet tones? I ain't hearin' t'ings jes' now. [cay'efiilly closes 
door) Dat means ter split some wood terde kitchen fiab. I's busy I 
{dusts energetically) Now wot's dem ar wuds wot Mars Rick says 
'bout buildin' de ^■d\\'i[^scratches head and ire it es slowly) — 

" We once hed a gull named Merrier, 
Who t' ought she 'ud build up a fiab ; 
De wood it was green, so she used kerosene ; — 
She's gone — zvharfuel is drier / ' ' 

Aunt Tab. [calling louder) Hildegarde ! Hildegarde ! [opens 
door) Hildegarde, child, why do you not respond to my declama- 
tion ? — my — my — exclamation ! What are you grinning at child? 

Hilda, [in surprise) I isn't grinnin'. Miss, did yer be callin' me ? 
I's so busy wid dis yer wuk dat I mus' a fergot 'bout ebryt'ing 
else, [dusts again energetically) Eber since yo' gib me dat instruc- 
tion 'bout lettin' my mind wander 'way frum my wuk, I's been 
mighty careful [aside) when de boss is roun'. 

Aunt Tab. [looking about) Have you finished this compartment, 
Hildegarde ? 

Hilde. Lud a mussy ! no. Miss Tabitha, I's 

Aunt Tab. Wall, you need not multiply words, Hildegarde, I 
wish to hev everything in mortal order to-day, for this afternoon 
we are to entertain an extinguished visitor, a gentleman who has 
just returned from a European tower — no less a personage, in 
fact, than the wealthy Mr. Delano, and I desire that all our de- 
rangements shall be perfect. 

Hilde. [rolling her eyes 1)1 wonder) Oh, law, yes, Miss. 

Aunt Tab. And when the bell vacillates 

Hilde. [quickly) Wot's dat, Miss Tabitha ? 

Aunt Tab. What an inorganic mind you have, child ! 

Hilde. I s'pecs I has, Miss Tabitha, but dat bell's a vaccinat- 
in* done beat me. 

Aunt Tab. The word I used was vacillate, which means to 
waver ; now, when a bell wavers it rings ; therefore when the bell 
vacillates it 

Hilde. Yes, I got dat — when de bell rings 

Aunt Tab. Precisely — you are to conduct him to this department 
and inform me immediately. 

Hilde. [slyly ?naking face at Av'^tTa^.) Yes, Miss. 

Aunt Tab. And now you may leave this work for a time, as I 
desire your persistence in the laboratory 

Hilde. [in surprise) De libratory ! Dat's a new one, dat is ; I's 
nebber heard ob dat 'fore. 

Aunt Tab. Why, the culinary department, of course, child ; you 
must certainly try to enlarge your volubility, Hildegrade, — after 



14 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP, 



1 



which you may do the work in the various domiciles — then return 
and finish this room. Do you compromise ? 

Hilde. {scratching her head thoughtfully) I t'inks I does, Miss. 

Aunt Tab. Very well then, come immediately to the kitchen 
where I shall have your stipulation ready verbatim. 

[Exit Aunt Tabitha. 

Hilde. {hesitatingly) N-no wait a minute Miss Tabitha ! {no re- 
sponse) I don't like to 'xspose my ign'rance on dis yersubjec', but 
what's dem ar domiciles ? Blest if I know. Den what else was it 
'bout dat ar volubility ? {holds hands to head and groans) Dose 
wuds dose make my brain go roun' awful, {looks in glass) an' jess 
see how tight dey makes my hair curl up! {to herself in glass) 
Olive oil, honey ! I's gwine ter hunt up dem domiciles now% my 
beauty, {gathers jcp duster, broom, brushes, etc., etc., singing in a 
loud voice) 

" I want ter be a nangel, and wid de angels stand ; 
A crown upon my fore-head a harp widin my han'." 

[Exit, singing. 
CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 

Scene, same as Act I. 

Enter Hildegarde, followed by Timothy. 

Hilde. [bowing him in, extravagantly) Right in yere, Mars 
Delano, [aside) Now, how'll I begin dose lies? Dar's Mars Rick 
ain't done got home yet, I knowed he wouldn't all de time, an' poor 
Miss Alice a-frettin' herse'f ter def. {to Timothy, seating him near 
the piano) I reckon Miss Tabitha'll be down, sah, scon's she's 
finished a-puttin' de powdah on her — {catches herself, with a hor- 
rified look. Aside) Lud a mussy ! I mos' spiled it all dat time. 
{puts hands to her face as if in great pain) O-o-o, Mars Delano, 
I's got de mos' dreffules' jumping toofache dat eber anybody hed 
in dere hfe ! I's mos' dead, {pathetically) Yes, she's a comin' up 
as soon's she's put de powdah on her cakes for suppah. {takes 
hands down and smacks lips) Mighty good cakes dey is too, sah. 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 1 5 

Miss Tabitha's a mighty good cook — a powerful good cook. It 
'ud make yer eyes stick out ter see dem cakes — [aside) an' mine 
too ! — all covered ober wid powdahed sugar. 

Tim. [jtervousiy, taking pinch of snuff) Yes, yes, jest so — ha- 
hacker-chew ! hacker-chew ! 

Hilde. [jumping) 0\v ! how you scairt me. Mars Delano I [aside, 
while she bustles about the room) Golly, I hope he ain't a goin' ter 
stay ter suppah, 'cause he might 'member 'bout dem cakes and 
t'ink I tole a lie. [scratches her head ; then to Timothy) But 
p'raps she left dem ar cakes ter Miss Alice ter do — den dem cakes 
is spiled ! Miss Alice don' know no mo' 'bout cookin' ner house- 
keepin' dan a two-yeah-ole baby. But Miss Tabitha 'ud never 
say nothin' 'bout it, O no ! [aside) Ef he wa'n't neah sighted, he'd 
see I's gettin' powerful mixed up on dis lyin' business. 
Tim. Ahem ! so Miss Tabitha does all the work, hey ? 
Hilde. [rolling her eyes a7td holding up hands) Poor Miss Tabitha 
slaves frum mornin' till night — [aside) ober dickshuneries ! [to 
Timothy) an' she don't get no t'anks fer it neder. Jest t'ink how 
she brung up dem ar chillun, gibed dem dere edification, an' all 
dem 'comphshments — but lud a mussy ! sech carryin's on as dey 
is heah ! Yer wouldn't beliebe it now, would yer, ef I didn't tole 
yer as is a eye witness? Miss Alice has beaux heah ebery week. 
(Timothy lifts hands in horror) Solium truf ! an' she walks wid 
'em, an' she rides wid 'em, an' she torks wid 'em, — an' when Miss 
Tabitha's gone out ter make a call dey takes up de carpet in de 
settin'-room, an' she dances wid 'em, — an' she a member ob de 
church, too ! Oh, dey's lots ob deceit in dis yer wuld ! (Timothy 
acts nervously) Yes, an' dey plays cyards, too"^ Does yo' know 
what croquet is? No, I t'ought yer didn't ; it's an awful wicked 
game — yer has ter bet money on it, an' she plays dat too! [stands 
with arms akimbo) Golly, ain't she wicked ! — But dar's dat angel, 
Miss Tabitha, [rolls her eyes and folds hands across breast) dis 
yearth ain't good 'nuff fer her — an sech a nuss as dat woman is ! 
When Mars Rick wus sick, she tended him till it seemed as if she 
couldn't wait on him no mo', an' he wus sick tree months, too — 
an* Miss Alice all de time a-playin' on de planner heah in de par- 
lor. An* Mars Rick said as how Miss Tabitha had saved him tree 
hundered dollahs by dat sickness, fer she don't beliebe in doctahs 
an' she tuk cyar ob him all de time herse'f an' didn't charge him 
one single cent fer it neder. Wot'd yer t'ink ob dat, hey ! (Tim- 
othy hitches about uneasily) 

Tim. Miss Tabither seems ter be a proper sort er person. How 
old er woman do you calc'late she is ? 

Hilde. Law me, dey's some people wot don't seem ter hab no 
age, an' she's one ob *em. Mars Rick says she's 'bout nine — 
[starts and puts hands to face) Oh, dat jumpin* toofache ! [aside') 



l6 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

I's a great ninny, I is, ter spile de whole t'ing now. (/c* Timothy) 
Mars Rick says she's 'bout nineteen. 

Tim. (z>z surprise) Nineteen ! 

Hilde. Well, it wus siimptin' wid a nine in it, anyhow. I don' 
'member quite ; p'raps it wus twenty-nine. 

Tim. [craftily) Miss Tabither has some property, ain't she? 

Hilde. I specks she has, — how could she a brung up dem ar chil- 
luni ef she didn't ? 

Tim. [iineasily) Yes, yes, sure. I — I suppose she owns this 
'ere place here ? 

Hilde. I reck'n yer'd t'ink so ef yo's roun' heah ! Lud a mussy, 
dar's a spec ob dust on de pianner— ef Miss Tabitha should see 
dat, it 'ud be as much 's my head — Oh, dat jumpin' toofache 
[groans. Aside) It 'ud be 's much 's my head's wuff if Mars Rick 
heard dat remark, {to Timothy) Yes, [sighi?ig) it 'ud be 's much 
's my head could hold ter un'stan de long dictionery remarks dat 
Miss Tabitha would converse wid. Did yer eber heah her tork, 
Mars Delano? — sech langwidge ! She's a lady as could sit in any 
parlor, — Oh, dat toofache! Oh, oh, oh-h-h — but she's too savin' 
ter do it ; [scratching head, thoughtfully) It wears out de carpets, 
she says, an' 'sides, she ain't got no time ter spend dat way — but 
de way she darns de stockin's [holds up both hajids and rolls her 
eyes) is a caution — I mean dat yer couldn't tell dey'd eber been a 
hole in dem. [looking round) Now whar'd I put dat duster? [goes 
out to find duster, while Timothy paces the floor) 

Tim. [soliloquizes) So the property belongs to Miss Tabither, 
hey ? I alius supposed it belonged to the boy and gall. Lucky I 
found it out in time now, ain't it? [putting hajids in pockets) But I 
alius was lucky. I wish Miss Tabither warn't es hombly es a 
stump fence, though, I swum; an' the gall's as putty as a picter. 
[takes a pinch of snuff) Wall, yer can't hev everythin' — ha-ha- 
hackerchew ! — at's goin', an' I don't relish takin' a wife with.out 
no income ter support her — but this Alice must hev something ter 
live on. I-I guess I'll pump this colored gall a little before I com- 
mit myself, (enter Hildegarde) Ahem, cr-er this-this gall-er-er- 
Alice has some means, I reckon ? 

Hilde. (r.) Wot's dat? — oh, mean ? Yes, meaner'n dirt ! 

Tim. (l.) No, no, you don't understand ; she — she has some — 
some money, I — I calc'late? 

Hilde. Well, if yo's calc' latin' on dat yo's gwine ter git orfully 
left. Go's I wouldn't tell eberybody dis. Mars Delano, 'cause it's 
fambly affairs, but — 

Tim. [eage7'ly) Oh, — no, of course not. [j'ubs hands to- 
gether) 

Hilde. Well, de oder day when Mars Rick arsked her ter lend 
him twenty-five dollahs, she done tole him dat she hadn't a cent 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 17 

ter her name ! Den I heard her tell de minister dat she'd giben 
away her las' dollah fer somfin', I fergot what, an' • 

Tim, Yes, yes, — I — I — sometimes do that myself, a — a — a poor 
man can't be givin' all the time, no, no. 

Hilde. No, dat's so ; specially ef dey ain't got nuffin ter gib. 

Tim. Yes, yes that's so. Now do you calc'late that Miss Alice 
er — er says these things from — from motives of — of — economy ? 
Because she don't want ter spend her — her whole income 1 

Hilde. Wall I never asked her 'bout dat. Mars Delano, but 
she's outen de garding, I reck'n, an' if yer want me ter go out 
an' arsk her now 

Tim. {^nervously) Oh, no, no, I — I — I — ^jest asked fer — fer — 
private reasons, that's all. 

Hilde. Yes, I t'ought it wus fer somet'in' ob dat kind, [aside) 
Dis chile ain't ser foolish as she 'pears, no, sah. [lo Timothy) 
Now, Mars Delano, ef you'll 'scuse me, I's got ter dust dat ar spec 
offenerde planner, an' I's 'fraid ob raisin' a dust. If yer'Ujes' step 
in behin' dat ar screen {precedes him, placin^r chair) I'll hab it 
dusted in a half a jiffy. Miss Tabitha is such a proper house- 
keeper dat she won't tolerate no dust nohow. (Timothy seats him- 
self behind screen) 

Enter RiCK, 7vith hat and cane in hand. 

Hilde. [pretending to dust) O, Mars Rick, I's afraid yo's done 
forgot your 'gagement [imitates in pantomime that Timothy is 
behind the screen) 

Rick. ( placino; hat on piano and cane in corner) Whew, this is a 
warm day, Hildegarde. [wipes face with handke7-chief) Where is 
Miss Alice ? 

Hilde. I reck'n she's outen de garding — de flower garding — I — 
I mean [shri(gcring shoulders and putting ha-nds to mouth) she's 
down in de kitchen a-helpin' Miss Tabitha put de powdahed sugar 
on de cakes for suppah. 

Rick, [in surprise^ Why they never cook this time of day. (Hil- 
degarde points to screen, reminding him of Timothy's presence) 
Oh, I remember now, the range broke down this morning. Yes, 
yes ; well, I want to have a talk on private family matters with 
Miss Alice, so you can go and call her. Ah, here she is now. 
[Hildegarde goes out as Alice enters. 

Alice. Oh Rick, I thought you'd never come ; how could you 
stay away till the very last minute, when you know that I'm so 
anxious.-^ (Timothy ///; A hands to ear in listening attitude) 

Rick. Well, Alice, don't treat me to another exhibition of your 
temper as you did this morning. (Alice looks surprised) You 
see, the boys are going to play with the Beacons, a picked nine, 



1 8 . TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 



1 



to-morrow, and we had lots of business to discuss. Nevertheless 
I've had time to think over what you were telling me this morn- 
ing, and I think you'd better give up your designs on poor Delano. 
(Alice starts in surprise) To be sure, you've seen him but half a 
dozen times or so, but the fellows all say that you can be deucedly 
interesting and winning when you choose, and it's such a pity that 
you should use your wiles on that poor old man — the only man 
that our dear Aunt Tabitha ever loved in all her life. I don't see 
how you can have the heart to go to work in such a cold- 
blooded way either, as you spoke of this morning. (Timothy ^^/^j 
horrified ) 

Ahce. {in surprise) Why, Rick! — What do you mean? I — I 
(Rick makes signs that Timothy is behitid the screen. Alice ap- 
pears to think) But — but — you know, Rick, — [goes on more rap- 
idly) that Mr. Delano is immensely rich — that's the secret of it all 
— and I should so like to be mistress of Fern Ledge, and wear 
rich laces, and diamonds, and sealskins ; go to the Mountains or 
to Saratoga, or to Long Branch every year, and take a trip to Eu- 
rope occasionally — I'd make his money fly ! (Timothy groans) 
How I wanted that five hundred dollar sealskin sacque last winter ! 
Do you suppose I'd let such a fine opportunity as this slip by ? No, 
sir. I said then that I'd help that old miser spend his money before 
the year was out, and I will! I'm so tired of being poor! (Tim- 
othy raises his hands in horror, while Alice a?id RiCK la7igh im- 
moderately in pantomime) 

Rick. I don't believe all that the gossips in town say about him, 
but suppose he should be as mean as they say he is, what would 
you do then ? 

Alice. I haven't any idea that those reports are true either, but then 
it wouldn't matter much to me, for if he didn't give me everything 
I asked for, I should run up two or three thousand dollars' worth 
of bills here and there and everywhere — he can stand it — and then 
he'd have to pay. (Timothy takes ot(t bandanna and wipes his 
face) That's the way Mrs. Van Brown always does, and she gets 
ahead of her husband every time. Oh, I'm equal to any such emer- 
gency as that. He'll get angry, of course, but you know I can get 
up a temper too when I try. 

Rick, [zvith a groan) Don'tremindme of that, Alice; and you don't 
have to try much either. The Berserker rage is nothing compared 
with yours. He won't want to see you in temper more than once 
— why you actually frothed at the mouth yesterday, just because 
poor dear Aunt Tabitha called you extravagant in your notions, 
and you are too. (Alice shakes a 7varning fijtger at hiin. Tim- 
othy groans and buries his face in his hands) It was such a pity 
you broke the best looking-glass in the house when you threw the 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 19 

sugar-bowl at her. (Rick creeps back of screen and peeps at Tim- 
othy) 

Alice, {aside) Wait till I get out of this, sir, I'll punish you for 
that last, you see if I don't. 

Rick, [aside, laughing) He takes it pretty hard, but he'll get 
over it. "All's fair in love and war." You're doing nobly, 
little sister, go on, give him another dose, [both la^igh hi panio- 
niime) 

Alice. If he should dare to raise his hand to me, I'd tell every 
gossip in the village how he abused me ; yes I'd call the police, 
I'd sue him for assault and battery, I'd get a divorce, or, no, I'd 
make him maintain me — claim a separate maintenance, you know, 
and compel him to give me three thousand a year. It would be 
easy enough to prove that he was able to do it. [both laugh in pan- 
tomime) 

Tim. [aside, walking i^p and down, be hi}id screen) Oh, the little 
vixin ! What a narrow escape I've had ! How could MissTabither 
hev stood it fer so many years? If I should ever git married, I'd 
hev every dollar made over ter my sister the day before. I swum, 
it ain't safe ter hev money these days, [sits again, resting head on 
hands) 

Rick. I say AHce, what about Harry ? [walks floor with hands 
in pockets) 

Alice, [in surprise) Harry? — Har — (Rick puts up warning fin- 
ger) Oh, Harry Blank? Now, Rick, don't begin to tease me 
about him ; how did you find out that I cared any more about 
him that I do about any one else ? You won't ever say anything 
about him to Aunt Tabitha, will you ? She never heard of 
him 

Rick, [aside) Nobody else ever did, either, I reckon, except 
Delano. 

Alice, [contiftuing) And I'm sure I never should want her to ; 
they are so unlike: he is so gay, and she is so — so — good ! [both 
laugh) I adore Harry, but [sighs) — Mr. Delano is so rich ! (Tim- 
othy starts up as if to reveal himself, then shakes his fist at screen 
and sits again) Just think, I can have everything, Rick, if I marry 
him — and I've made up my mind that I'll have him now, if I have 
to propose myself. 

Tim. [groans ; aside) I'll git eout of this afore you git the 
chance, young woman. Oh, these females, these females, the 
handsomer they be the falser they be. I wish't I's ter hum, I 
don't believe I keer whether I git a wife er not now ; ef house- 
keepers wasn't ser tarnal expensive I wouldn't er thought of sech a 
thing. 

Rick. Well, sis, I see that it's no use to reason with you ; but I 
must say a word for poor Aunt Tabitha. Don't you think it's 



20 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

rather hard on her? He's such a fine man and just a suitable age 
for her — poor, patient auntie, [both stuff handke^xhiefs i?i their 
inouths to check their laughter) Did you notice the tears in her eyes 
to-day when she was speaking about him, telhng what a good man 
he is and how lonely he must be alone in that great house — or at 
the mercy of his housekeepers? And I believe she thinks he's 
coming here to-day to ask her to marry him.. It's too bad of you, 
Alice, to stand in the way of two people's happiness I (Timothy 
nods approval ) 

Alice. Well, I can't help it if she's mistaken, can I? If he's 
stupid enough to ask me to marry him, I shall say ' Yes,* 
quickly enough, I assure you. (Timothy shakes head and fist sav- 
agely) 

Rick, [laughing in pantomi^ie) And poor Harry ! How I pity 
that poor fellow — he'll be heart-broken ! 

Alice. Oh, no, he won't. Old Delano probably won't live long, 
and when he dies and leaves me a rich widow, I'll marry Harry 
[aside to Rick) if I can find him. Kill two birds with one stone, 
you see. [Timothy paces fioor again, repeating, 'Old Delano! Old 
Delano! Won't live long, hey? ' — aside) 

Rick. Well, Alice, I must say, if you are my sister, that I don't 
approve of this business at all (/;; 7nock aiarni) Oh, don't throw 
those scissors at me ! Great Scott, Alice, are you crazy ! what 
are you thinking of! Don't! 

\Both run out with handkerchiefs to mouths. 

Tim. [spriiiging up jtcrvous/y, and peeping out into the rooni) 
Where — where's my coat and hat ! Where's my coat and hat! 
[looks around for the ni) What an escape I've hed ! I wouldn't hev 
that girl ef she wus wuth her millions ! [brings fist down upon 
piano) I wanter go hum ! I wonder where Miss Tabither is, and 
where did that colored gall put my hat and coat ? [paces floor, 
thoughtfully, with hands behind him) But I shall hev ter explain 
that tarnal note ter Miss Tabither, I s'pose. Now what did I say 
in that note? [thoughtfully) Yes, I said I wanted ter see Miss Ta- 
bither on important business about takin' a wife ter Fern Ledge. 
[mops face with bandanna) Wall, I did then, but I ain't ser per- 
tickler about it as I was. I'm glad I didn't commit myself any 
further. Hm-m-m, Miss Tabither likes me, does she? I'm the 
only man she ever loved, hey ? Wall, she might do wuss. Of 
course they wouldn't suspect that it was the young gall I was after. 
[sits R. C.) Now Miss Tabither 's a very proper sort of person — 
not so very handsome, but savin', and a good housekeeper and 
nuss. Saved the young man three hundred dollars on his doc- 
tor's bill, too. Wall, now, Timothy Delano, you might do wuss. 
I ain't ser pertickler about beauty as I was ; I guess I'll think it 
over. 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 21 

Enter AuNT Tabitha. 

Aunt Tab. Law, Mr. Delano, heow du you do? [shakes /lands) 
I declare, I'm so glad to see you ! Hildegarde has just informed 
mc of your arrival — 1 hope you ain't been waitin' long, [surveys 
him) Why, how tired you look, Mr. Delano (Timothy j-7>/«) — 
trav'lin' is sech\\7ird. work, and one feels so drea' fully confiscated 
after a long journey, [sits L. c, and fans herself] Is Europe a large 
city, Mr. Delano? 

Tim. Yes, yes,— an' awful expensive, Miss Tabither, awful ex- 
pensive ! but it hed ter be done — bizness is bizness. [wipes face 
with banda7ina ; then in hoarse whisper) I cleared a thousand dol- 
lars by the trip — yes a tiiousand dollars ! 

Aunt Tab. Law, Mr. Delano, you do7i t say so. Wall, bizness 
is bizness to them as attends to it as you do. 

Tim. [graciously) Yes, yes, Miss Tabither, I — I — pride myself 
on attendin' ter my bizness, though I'm a poor man Miss Tabither, 
an— an — orful poor man. Hev a pep'mint? [reaches over and 
passes her 07ie) 

Aunt Tab. [looking at itgi^igerly) How kind o^ you, Mr. Delano. 
I s'pose you brought this all the way from Europe? Did you go 
all the way by cars ! [in a stage whisper) You didn't smuggle this 
did you ? 

Tim. [nervously) N-n-no, not exactly. I — I — I took 'em fer 
rent. Candy store, you know — everything moved out but a jar of 
pep'mints. I — I — I got there just in time ter save the pep'mints ! 
I — I — I like 'em don't you? [moves ncare?-) 

Aunt Tab. [smiles e}icou raging ly) Yes, I dotes on 'em, Mr. De- 
lano, How nice it seems to hev sojne one bring you candy — so ro- 
mantic, [sighs and fans herself) It reminds me of the time Squire 
Nooman used ter try ter keep company with me. [rolls her eyes) 
How much that poor, dear man used ter think of me, Mr. Delano ! 
[sighs) He was so devoted. Why he'd bring a pound of candy at 
a time — a whole pound, and never think of eating any himself. 

Tim. Yes, yes, — ahem ! — extravagant, [pi/ts two in his owft 
mouth while Aunt Tabitha nibbles at he7's) I — I — I like 'em. 

Aunt Tab. Jest what I said ter him, an' I felt it wouldn't be right 
ter marry a man with sech exorbitant ideas, [sighs and daintily 
bites off a piece of her peppermint) You see we hed a cousin, 
'Mandy Riggs, a stayin' at our house an' she was a terrible flighty 
piece, an' I alius thought she put him up to it. I never could h^ax 
ter see her doll face arter that summer, never. A fool an' his 
money soon parts, they say, but I never could bear ter stand by 
an' see money throwed away. 

Tim. [hitching about nervously) Perfectly proper, Miss Tabither, 



22 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

yes, yes — perfectly proper, {^clears his throat with much cjfort) I 
— I — I — , ahem — 1 

Aunt Tab. Now I know a splendid subscription for that cold 
o' yours, Mr. Delano, — a splendid subscription, an' I'll make 
some of it for you before you go hum. I made oceans of it fer 
the squire ; he liked it an' used ter come fer it every day while 
'Mandy was there. But as I was a sayin' to your sister the 
other day, it seems so strange that you ain't merried an' settled 
down [si^^hs) — sech a fine — sech a be-w-tiful husband as you'd 
wvAkt [fans herself while TiMOTHY eats yuore peppenmnts) — but 
girls aie so foolish now-a-days, they hev sech high fluted no- 
tions — many on 'em I mean ; now our Alice dont — (Timothy 
puts up both hands and groans. Aunt Tah. aside) How nervous 
the poor dear man is. {aloud) Yes, the girls let the best men be- 
come old bachelors, an' marry some peradventurer they'll hev 
ter support. It's so different from what it was when I was a 
gall — I ain't old now by any means, O, no. [sighs) I alius did 
hev a mature look even when 1 was a baby, Ikit then I know 
what you're here for {smiling graciously and tapping hijn playfully 
with her fan as she rises) and I wonder where Alice is. I thinlc 
she 

Tim. {extremely agitated) O— O— d-d-don't call her, Miss Ta- 
bither — for heaven's sake — I — I — yes, yes, — 1 want ter ste yoi4. 
I — I — I — {rises and paces floor wiping face luith bandanna) I — it's 
warm to-day. 

Aunt Tab. Law, yes, Mr. Dclnno, my dear, do calm yourself. 
It's a trying ideal I know ; but 1 wouldn't get so exasperated 
over it, ef I was you. {seats herself R. c. ) do set down, and calm 
yourself. 

Tim. It's — it's— an oiful hot day, Miss Tabilhcr. {still pacing 
floor) I — I— suppose you — you — enjoy — yes. yes — enjoy er — good 
health. Miss Tabither ? — as — as a rule, that is? 

Aunt Tab. O my, yes ! I never enjoyed a sick day in my life ! 
[aside) Now what's the cretur drivin' at, I'd like ter know ? 

Tim. I — I — I suppose you know how ter cook — and — and — darn 
and — and darn — and wash — and knit and — and — and — {desper- 
ately) so forth? {sits I.. C.) 

Aunt Tab. Yes — the whole category {aside) I believe that Sophy 
Delano lied ter me, and he's goin' ter propose ter me. {sighs and 
hitches her chair nearer to Timothy) How nice it seems ter carry 
on a conversation with such a supernumerary man as you are — so 
intellectuall (.?/>//5,/a;;5 herself and looks down) 

Tim. I — I — I — should think you'd enjoy life, Miss Tabither. 
You — you — ahem — you seem to hev everything wuth livin* for — a 
— a — fine farm, — a snug little bit in the bank ? 

Aunt Tab. Wall, yes, but there's nothin' that makes an effec- 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 23 

donate woman like me so happy as ter hev a hum of her own, 
Mr. Delano ; something ter take care of an' keep tidy. Now 
that Rick's in college, we ain't got no men folks round — except 
in vacations — an' it's awful lonesome fer me without no man 
round, [sighs] We'd like ter see you here oftener, Mr. Delano. 
[with affectation) I was thinking of you only yesterday, an' won- 
derin' ef you'd fergot us all tergether, an' this mornin' when I 
received your little note, I says ter myself, says I, [rolls her eyes 
and sighs) think of angels, an' they flap their wings, sure enough. 
I shalf alius believe in that sayin' now, an' I shall alius think of 
you whenever I hear it again, [sighs ami tries to look pensive) 

Tim. Yes, yes, — er jcs so — ^jes so. I'm sorry you're lonesome. 
Er — er — so'm I ! Hev a pep' mint. Miss Tabither? [passes one) 
I — I — I like 'em, don't you? [moves nearer Kvy^T Tabitha, put- 
ting two in his own mouth) 

Aunt Tab. [sighing) Yes, I'm very fond of sweet things, Tim 
— I mean Mr. Delano, — how heavenly this pep'mint is! [s(i^hs) 

Tim. Yes, — I — I — you, yes, you spoke of that — that note, you 
know. I — I — ahem, I called on a little bizness — I — [fidgets) 

Aunt Tab. [smiling encou?'agingly) O/ course I [aside) Now he's 
capixilated with either Alice or me, an* he's got ter propose ter one 
of us afore he leaves this house. 

Tim. [nervously) Yes, yes — of — of — course ; and — and 

Aunt. Tab. Oh, certainly, and I 

Tim. Yes, yes, — certainly, and 1 — I — ahem — I 

Aunt Tab. Jes so — and I and you 

Tim. Yes, yes, yes, — jes so — and — and — and I — and — you — 
[takes out bandanna again) 

Aunt Tab. [aside] It must be Alice he wants, arter all. [s!ghs 
and looks down ; then sadly to Timothy) There now, I'm afeared 
I'm selfish, enjoying your delighted companionship all to myself 
— and your elevated society — and there's poor Alice 

Tim. [excitedly) Oh, d-d-d-don't mind Alice — I — I — ain't per- 
tickler 'bout seein' her jes now! [aside, while mopping his face) 
I — I — I wish't I's to hum — I — I — swum ! [to Aunt Tauitha) The 
— the — fact is Miss Tabither, I — I — I want to see you about that 
'ere note I — I 

Aunt Tab. Oh, law, yes — about the note — then set right down 
again — about takin' a companion fer life. Yes, /understand ! You 
are tired with livin' in influence all alone by yourself, and out of 
the malevolence of your inspiring heart you desire ter share it with 
one who would depreciate your insignificant society and the honor 
you are deferring. 

Tim. [hitching chair closer) Yes, yes, — er — er that's it — er — er 
— I — I think so — yes, yes, — 'xactly. Hev er pep'mint? [aside) 



24 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 



1 



It takes a powerful sight er pep' mints ter make love ter a 
woman. 

Aunt Tab. {simpering) You don't seem comferable in that cheer, 
Mr. Dekmo, perhaps you'll find the sofy easier — I'm sure /shall! 
{^goes to sofa a?id peeps over her fan at him) 

Tim. Oh, yes, — no, — I — well perhaps it will be. [sits bashfui/y 
beside her) 

Aunt Tab. [basJ fully) Wall, I declare, ef this don't remind me of 
the time Squire Nooman proposed ter me. 'Mandy hed gone eout 
in the garding fer something. They'd been a-talkin' er long time 
tergether — I spose he'd been tellin' her he wasa-goin' terarskme 
ter be his wife — [shrugs her shoulders a7id looks encouragingly at 
Timothy) P'irst he put his arm 'round me. [puts up her fan and 
giggles) Now some men makes fools of theirselves when they 
want to arsk a woman ter marry 'em, but he was jest like you — 
so graceful, [sighs. Timothy moves up close to her attd awkwardly 
puts his arm round her waist ) Wall, the Squire put his arm round 
my waist — a little tighter than that please, — yes, that's right [sim- 
pers) — an' he says, 'Tabitha, I'm a-gwine ter get mcrried,' an' 
jest then in comes 'Mandy, an' I wus ser cross at her a-comin' in 
jest as he was on the pint o' proposin*. that I got up an' left the 
room , an' ef you'll believe it she got him arter all, an' they was 
merried in jest two weeks from that day. Some pretended ter say 
that they'd been engaged fer two months, but I knowed better. 
[lays her head on his shoulder) What was you a gwine ter say, Mr. 
Delano? I didn't mean ter interrogate — I should say interrupt 
you — I — [siglis) 

Tim. Wall, the fact is, Miss Tabither, 

Aunt Tab. Don't call me Miss Tabitha, call m.e Tabitha. 

Tim. Wall, the fact is then — Tabither — my housekeeper's gone 
an' left everything at Fern Ledge all a topsy-turvy, an' — an' — 
(Aunt Tabitha straightens up indignantly) — an' so I've made up 
my mind ter git merried (Aunt Tahitha smiles and looks relieved : 
rests head on his shoulder again) an' — an' — an' — so I — I — I thought 
that perhaps er — er — you' you'd 

Aunt Tab. [throwing her arms about his neck, nearly smother- 
ing him) Yes, yes, you dear old Timothy — why didn't you arsk 
me before ? — you angel ! 

Enter HiLDEGARDE. 

Hilda, [holding up her hands in consternation) Lud-a-mussy ! 
Miss Tabither, has yer got a fit ? [looks from one to the other in 
cotnic surprise) 

Aunt Tab. [bashfully — settling her wig which has been pulled 
down over her ear) Hildegarde, my dear, you may go and call 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 2$ 

my nephew and niece to congratulate me upon this suspicious 
occasion. 

Hiide. ^starts off , exclaiming) She's got him, Mars Rick ! Dat's 
all right, now ; come 'long 'n'gratulate her ! 

Tim. [starting up nenwusly) I — I — oh, no ! d-d-d-don't d-d- 
don't call nobody ! I — I — I — where's my coat and hat?(/^6'-^5 ex- 
citedly round) I — I — I 

Aunt Tab. [catching hold of his coat-tail) Law. Timothy, dear, 
we've got ter face it, an' we may as well begin now as any time. 
Sakes alive! I wish there wasn't wuss in the world ter face ! Do 
set down, Timothy, my angel, and when Hildegarde comes she 
will get your things fer you — but you must stay ter supper, Tim- 
othy dear. 

Tim. [pulling away from her and sta7'ting for the door — meets 
Alice and Rick who are entering) Oh, — I — 1 — no, no, I — thank 
you, but 

Alice. O, Mr. Delano, how delighted I am to see you : so 
you are going to be our dear Uncle Timothy I We are so glad, 
Rick and 1. 

Tim. [in surprise) Eh? [taking p7vffered hajui stiffly , and shak- 
ing it awkwardly) Yes — yes — I — I — suppose so, young w^oman. 
[aside) Hev they been play in' a joke on me all the time ? I — I — 
I believe they hev. Wall, I must say they was kind er cute about 
it. 

Rick. Come, come, uncle Timothy, we can't think of letting you 
go before supper ; here's my hand ; allow me to congratulate you. 
[shakes hands) 

Tim. I — I — I kinder thought _y(7// wus friendly ter me when I sot 
behind that 'ere screen there, but [turning to Amce) I didn't get 
no sech impression oi you. 

Alice. Now, uncle Tiniothy, I'll make you the best of nieces, 
but — but I — I — I don't want to marry afiybody yet. Just think 
how long you and aunt Tabitha have lived single — and you'll 
forgive Rick and me for having a little fun, won't you? 

Rick. Yes uncle Timothy, we didn't mean one word of what we 
said — it was all a joke. 

Enter HiLDEGARDE. 

Hilda. Yes, dat's so, Mars Delano. He done tole de truff dis 
time, hones' 'n true. Yo' see Miss — [Kicv^ scoiu Is and shakes a 
warning finger at her. Aside) Dat's all de t'anks I get, I's 
warrant, outen dis. Ef I don' git dat ar dress, I'll tell Mars 
Delano all 'bout it. 

Rick, [aside to HiLDEGARDE, laughing) You shall have your 
dress, Hildegarde, only don't give us away, that's all. 



26 TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP. 

Tim. {scratching his head thoughtfully) I reck'n I ken see 
through a ladder, er agrin'stun either when there's a hole in it — I 
— I ain't ser dull as I look. Wall I guess it's all fer the best 
as it is— ef — ef — ef she ain t ser han'some ! So we'll shake hands 
all 'round an' call it quits, [all laugh except Au's.T Tabitha, who 
looks sternly on) 

Alice. You don't mind the dreadful things we said about you, 
uncle, do you? We didn't mean to — to — to hurt your feelings. 

Tim. Wall, I — I — I don't mind it ser much 7W7o, but I — I — I 
minded it consid'able at the time. I — I — I shall look out not ter 
rile your temper in a hurry, [tuueaking her ear) 

Aunt Tab. {angrily) You seem ter ignore the perspective bride. 
(Alice and Rick rush up to her) 

Rick. Allow us both [putting arm around PwaC\l' ^7vaist)\.Qt con- 
gratulate you, aunt, and may your marriage be a speedy and 
happy one. {they shake hands and kiss her. HiLDEGAUUEyi?;/^ 
herself with her apron, and sighs) 

Hilde. {aside) I isn't in it! 

Aunt Tab. Yes. I intend it to be a speedy one, my dears, {com- 
placently) and the day is already set ! (Timothy looks stirprised) 

AUce. ] 

Rick, y Already set ! ! ! (Hildegarde imitates. Aunt Tabitha 

Tim. ) nods) 

Alice. When is the happy event coming off, aunt ? 

Aunt Tab. To-morrow, my dears ! ! {aside) I don't propose ter 
let another fish slip inter the water. I hev been long ernough a 
gettin' a husband, an' now I mean ter keep him. 

t^.'f • I To-morrow ! ! 
Rir.k. ] 

HirdaJTc-morrer!! 

Aunt Tab. Yes, it's all settled. Tliat's a pint that's alius left 
ter the bride. I don't believe in long engagements, my dears, so 
I shall not prognostigate 

Alice. Procrastinate, aunt. 

Aunt Tab. Then too, Timothy dear, (Hildegarde snickers) ef 
we delay the musicals 

Alice. Nuptials, aunt, you mean. 

Aunt Tab. Well, dear, it makes no difference — as I was a sayin', 
ef we delay the nuptials, people will expect a more contageous 
wedding 

Alice. A more ceremonious wedding, aunt. 

Aunt Tab. Well, child, don't interrupt — a more sacriligious 
wedding then — ef that suits you any better — than ef we were mer- 
ried on the spur of the moment — and these sac — (Alice prompts) 



TIMOTHY DELANO'S COURTSHIP, 2/ 

and these ceremonious weddings is expensive, Timothy, awful ex- 
pensive ! An' the sooner it's over with the better. 

Hilde. I's orful sorry ter interrupt yer, Miss Tabitha, but sup- 
pah's all ready, {aside) all but de powdahed cakes, (to Miss Ta- 
bitha) An' de sooner it's ober wid de bettah ! ! (Hildegarde 
««^/ Aunt Tabitha, r., ha7iging to Timothy's arms, while Rick 
stands L. with arm around Alice) 



CURTAIN, 




H. THEYRE SMITH'S PLAYS. 

Price, 1 5 Cents Each. 

A CASE FOR EVICTION. One male and two female char.-icters-light comed-an 
l.Kly coaiedi:in and servant. Interior scene ; moder:i cosliimcs ; ii.i.e of plavintr' 
thirty nui.uies. 1 his breezy little play is so true to life that everybody enjoN s it 
and, as a matter of course, it is always highly successful. A young husband' an.l 
^vlic h.ive a visitor who makes them twice gl.id-gl.id when he comes and doubly 
glad when he goes. 1 he difficulties that the young couple experience in ee-tii-o- 
r.d of their gucsr, without hurting his feelings, are lauchable in the extreme" 
i he guest, by the vvay, IS /u-ar<i but not .r<'.-«-which fact gives rise to much 
comic. 1 business. IS o scenery wh.itever is required; and ps cvery-d .y co-ti-m.s 
are worn, the piece can be produced successfully without the slightest trouble. 

CUT OFF WITH A SHILLING. Two male and one female charactrrs- 
juvenile man, od man an.l lauy comedian, hccne, a siiti.ig-room ; modem cos- 
tumes ; time of playing, forty-five minutes. An exceedingly popular play, ofrerin- 
iinusua opportunities ior good acting. A young man who has married without 
hisunclesconsentiscut off wiihashill.ng. iJut ihe uncle meets, his nephew's 
wife— not knowing who =ne is— and is so c.iptivated by her wii, gmce and beauty 
that, on learning who she is, he changes his mind, reinstates his nephew and 
allows the latter to re'ura the shilling. The dialogue is witty, the action rapid, 
and the situations effective. 

A HAPPY PAIR. Onemal', one female chnr.icter— both light comedy. Scene a 
nicely furnished room ; modern costumes ; time of playing, lorty-five minutes. A 
brisk little p ay full of action and giving numerous opportunities for clever work. 
While entirely free from all "low-comedy" business, it contains enough humor 
to be highly diverting. The qu.arrels of the " happy pair," and their final reccn- 
riliation can not fail to please, and the play is sure to give entire satisfaction 
cither in the parlor or as a "curtain raiser" or afterpiece. 

MV LORD IN LIVERY. Four ma\c and three fcm.alech.ir.icters-light comcdiin 
low comedian, Oid man, utility, lady comedian and two walking ladies Pari, r 
scene; modern costumes ; time of playing, f^fiy minutes. An unusually bri-ht 
piece brimming over with wit and humor. The three young ladies who permit a 
comic servant to meet them on terms of equality under the belief that he is a 
nobleman masquerading like themselves— the happy-go-lucky young nobleman 
who IS mistaken for a bur-iar— the comical old butler— all have a vast deal of 
laugh.able by-play and business. This play w>s a pronounced success in New 
\oik, and has be^-n presented to crowded houses in all the principal cities of this 
country. The e:.se with whi:h it may be stagr d, and the invari.ab'c success which 
attends it, make My Lord i.n Livery peculiarly adapted to the use of amateurs. 

UNCLE'S WILL. Two male and one female characters— juvenile lead, rid man 
and lady comedian. Scene, a sittmg-room ; costumes, modern ; time of piayinc 
thirty minutes. 'Jhis brilliaut little play is a prime f.avorite in both Europe and 
America, and is admirably adapted to the use of amateurs. 'Jhe v it flashes 
like a diamond, and the dainty bits of liumor scattered here and there keep up a 
constant ripple of pleased excitement. Each character is a star part The da^h- 
ing young naval fffi.-er, l1-e comical old man— in which Mr. Davidge made i 
pronounced hit at the Fifth Avenue Theatre, New Vork-and the bright and 
spirited young lady, all are hrst class and worthy of the best talent in any d.amatic 
club. ^ 

WHICH IS WHICH. Three male, thrre female characters— juvenile man old 
man, utility, two juvenile ladies and old woman. Scene, a studio • costume; 
modern ; time of playing, fifty minutes. Excellent and much patronized by 
pmatcurs. 1 he amusing perplexities of the poor artist, who can not tell which of 
his visitors IS the heiress and which h-r penniless friend-who mistakes one for 
tne other— who makes love to the rich girl, supposing that she is poor, and d< ter- 
niines to marry her in spite of her stioposed poverty— and who finally discovers 
that he has proposed to the heire.-s after all— combine to make this a delightful 

^^° A ?ty of the above -will be sent by ma il, postpaid, to anv address, on receipt 
Oft he annexed prices. As there are several editions of these plays offered far sale, 
good bad avd indifferent, furcha^ers ivill cotisnlt their own interests, when order- 
tng, by specifying Rookeacii's edition. ,^^^ 

HAROLD ROORBACH. Publisher. 9 Murray St., New York. 



TOWNSEND'S 

•* AMATEUR THEATRICALS." 

A Practical Guide for Amateur Actors. 
PRICE, 25 CENTS. 



This work, without a rival in the field of dramatic literature, covers the entire inb* 
ject of amateur acting, and answers the thousand and one questions that arise constant!/ 
to worry and perplex both aetor and manager. It tells how to select plays and what 

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ow to select characters, showing who should assume particular r6les ; how to rehearse 
a play properly — including stage business, by-play, voice, gestures, action, etc.; how to 
represent all the passions and emotions, from Love to Hate (this chapter is worth many 
times the price of the book, as the same information cannot be found in any similar 
•work) ; how to costume modem plays. All is told in such a plain, simple style that 
the veriest tyro can understand. The details are so complete and the descriptions so 
clear that the most inexperienced can follow them readily. The book is full oi breezy 
anecdotes that illustrate different points. But its crowning merit is that it is thoroughly 
PRACTICAL — it is the result of the author's long experience as an actor and manager. 
Every dramatic club in the land should possess a copy of this book, and no actor can 
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will consult it with advantage. 

HELMER'S 



ACTOR'S MAKE-UP BOOK. 

A Practical and Systematic Guide to the Art of Making up /or the Stag*» 



PRICE, 25 CENTS. 



itRBt 



Facial make-up has much to do with an actor's success. This manual is a pet 
encyclopedia of a branch of knowledge most essential to all players. It is well.written, 
systematic, exhaustive, practical, unique. Professional and amateur actors and act' 
resses alike pronounce it thh BESt make-up book ever published. It is simply indis 
pensable to those who cannot command the services of a perruquier.' 

CONTENTS. 

Chapter I. Theatrical Wigs.— The Style and Form of Theatrical Wigs anxl' 
Beards. The Color and Shading of Theatrical Wigs and Beards. Directions foft 
Measuring the Head. To put on a Wig properly. ^L 

Chapter II. Theatrical Beards.— How to fashion a Beard out of CrApc Hair^ 
How to make Beards of Wool. The growth of Beard simulated. -4 

Chapter III. The Make-up.— A successful Character Mask, and how to make ia 
Perspiration during performance, how removed. . * 

Chapter IV. 1 he Make-uf Box.— Grease Paints. Grease Paints in Sticki ; Flesik; 
Cream ; Face Powder ; How to use Face Powder as a Liquid Cream ; The various shade*' 
of Face Powder. Water Cosmetique. Nose Putty. Court Plaster. Cocoa Butter. 
Cr^pe Hair and Prepared Wool. Grenadine. Dorin's Rouge. *' Old Man's" Rouge.'. 
"Juvenile" Rouge, Spirit Gum. Email Noir. Bear's Grease. Eyebrow Pencils,. 
Artist's Stomp.-;. Powder Puffs. Hare's Feet. Camel's-hair Brushes. 

Chapter V. The Features and their Treatment.— The Eyes : Blindness. The 
Eyelids. The Eyebrows : How to paint out an eyebrow or musUche ; How to paste 
|o eyebrows ; How to regulate bushy eyebrows. The Eyelashes : To alter the appear- 
ance of the eyes. The Ears. The Nose : A Roman nose ; How to use the nose putty; 
a pug nose ; an African nose ; a large nose apparently reduced in size. The Mouth- 
and Lips : a juvenile mouth ; an old mouth ; a sensuous mouth ; a satirical mouth ; a 
one-sided mouth ; a merry mouth ; a sullen mouth. The Teeth. The Neck, Arms»' 
Hands and Finger-nails : Finger-nails lengthened. Wrinkles : Friendliness and SuUen-j 
cess indicated by wrinkles. Shading. A Starving Character. A Cut in the Face. A? 
Thin Face made Fleshy. , 

Chapter VI. Typical Character Masks.— The Make-up for Youth : Dimplt 
Cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunkard : One method ; anoth« 
method. Old Age. Negroes. Moors. Chinese. King Lear. Shylock. Macbetl 
Richelieu. Statuary. Clowns. 

Chapter VII. Spbcial Hints to Ladies.— The Make-un. Theatrical Wigs an^ 
Hair Goods. ^ ' 

EF" Copies of the above -will it mailed, post-paid, to any address, on receipt oj. 
At annexed prices. _J|3 



HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 9 Murray St. New York. 



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